Still Hoovering
An interesting Blog of substantial episodes in my life; a chance for me to rant on about stuff what happens.
The Queen of Hearts had some tarts, but they were eaten. Precisely one of the following statements about the tarts and the Knaves of Clubs, Diamonds and Spades is true. Which one?Hint: use the fact that one and only one of the statements is true.
- None of the three Knaves ate any tarts,
- the Knave of Clubs ate some tarts,
- only one of the three Knaves ate any tarts,
- at least one of the Knave of Diamonds and the Knave of Spades ate no tarts,
- more than one of the three Knaves ate some tarts.
The Pope arrives into New York, New York. He waves at the crowd and battles his way to the car that's arrived to collect him. The chauffeur jumps from the beautiful Bugati Veyron sent to collect him.
"Your holiness please be seated and comfortable"
"My child," replies the pope. "This is a stunning machine let me drive."
"Your holiness I would love to but I couldn't..."
"Nonsense, I live in Italy; driving sports cars is not hobby but a way of life."
Defeated, and hugely out ranked, the chauffeur obliges and the Pope jumps behind the wheel.
Although a careful driver it is clear that during a clear stretch the pope just wants to floor the car and see how fast he can go.
Needless to say after a few minutes of going flat out attention is attracted and especially that of the local police. The blues and twos start up and the typical American cop gets out of his cruiser and strolls to the door, the chauffeur cringing in his chair.
The pope winds down the window and the cop is taken aback at the view before him. "God bless you my child," gestures the Pope.
Somewhat scared the cop feebly squawks "Don't go anywhere please, sir" and runs back to his bike.
He gets on the radio to his sheriff.
"What is it now rookie?" the sheriff enquires annoyedly.
"I think I've made a big mistake and stopped someone really important for speeding."
"Tell me it's not the mayor because I've.."
"No it's not the mayor, he's more important than that!"
"Not Senator Johnson, please tell me not him."
"No, of course not sir he's more important than that!"
"More important than... boy you've not stopped the big one, tell me it ain't the president."
"No I can't believe it either," the rookie shakily admits; "he's more important than that."
"More important than the president: there's nobody. Who is it?" the sheriff sounding a bit more relieved now.
"Sir I think I've stopped God!" the cop finally reveals.
"God!? Oh you daft boy you are going to feel my wrath when you get back to the station. Just book him and get back here."
"No no no," cries the rookie, "you don't understand. He has the Pope as a chauffeur!"
Labels: Jokes
Two blind pilots both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.
Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up.
The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke.
None is forthcoming.
The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the runway.
As it begins to look as though the plane will plough into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin.
At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.
In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says, "Ya know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're all gonna die."
Labels: Jokes